There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
