At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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