man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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