I want to stick my p in your. b.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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