She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
