I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
