I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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