It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
