C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You ate ashes out of my bong
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
