bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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