Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
