dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
