Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
