really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
