I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
