the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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