4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
This toilet bowl is my home.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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