If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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