it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
two words: eviction party
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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