He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
