white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
