I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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