we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
