So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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