I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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