I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
