She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
