Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Randomize
