i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
