I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
