And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
