If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Even my vagina gasped.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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