I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
