So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
