im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
tell me about the eggs
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
