before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
