Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
