I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
