watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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