How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
