And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
