You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
