she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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