I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
