I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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