At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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