All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
