Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
