take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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