i just wanna soil my oats bro
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
