i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
