He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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