Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
